FAQs


Q. WHY SHOULD I BUY YOUR BOOKS?

Penguin/Viking and Finch have published them, so they can’t be half bad. Readers and the media have embraced them too. But seriously, you don’t have to. Do what you want.

Q. HOW & WHEN WILL I GET MY STUFF?

My books will be delivered to you through Amazon and SmashWords.com. If you’ve placed an order for an eBook, you’ll receive it instantly to your reading device (you will be steered via this website to Amazon for Kindle / SmashWords for everything else).

If you’ve ordered a print book – all rustic and papery – you’ll receive that speedily through Amazon. Don’t faint, but ’The Happiness Quest‘ is also available in real life bookstores (including in North America).

Q. WHEN DID YOU START WRITING?

I began writing at age four, although my letters were usually scribed back-to-front. In my twenties, things improved slightly when I started writing the right way around for music publications, television, then books by my thirties.

My first manuscript ‘To Hellas & Back’ was first written in hieroglyphics and transcribed by an Egyptologist named Miriam Cannell. She is the reincarnation of a pharaoh. She edited my second, third and fourth book, too.

Q. HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO WRITE A BOOK?

Ages. That is, much, much longer than it takes to read one. Penning a book means years of solitary confinement and scrawling like a crazed monk by candlelight. Each book I write takes a couple of years to complete.

Q. WHAT’S IT LIKE BEING AN AUTHOR?

Fantastic, frustrating, exciting, precarious, pointy, horrible, strange, life-threatening and challenging. But there’s nothing I’d rather be in this world, besides a cult leader.

Q. WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE WORD?

Anticappointment. It’s not a real word, but it describes when you’re really looking forward to something and it turns out to be shite. Feel free to use it, preferably not when describing my books.

Q. HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO KEEP YOUR HAIR SO SHINY?

A good question and I’m glad you asked. I apply to my hair a rare extract derived from the pineal gland of a camel. The results are astounding.

Q. IS IT TRUE THAT YOU RECENTLY COMPLETED A DEGREE IN CLASSICAL GREEK WITH FIRST CLASS HONOURS?

No.

Q. ARE YOU GREEK?

Oxi! (which means no in Greek.) I lived in Athens for five years, which prompted the penning of my first book ‘To Hellas and Back’, some of my second ‘Kickstart My Heart’ and my third ‘Addicted to Love’. I’m an Australian with English, Irish and Maltese ancestry. I’m also part-lizard.

Q. WHAT DO YOU DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?

I ponder the meaning of life and wonder what runs through the minds of cats. I also like to swim with my head above water at all times. I was recently rescued from the surf by a ten-year-old boy who resembled Justin Bieber. For real. I owe him my life.

Q. WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

My hobbies include kite flying, ice carving and shaving motor vehicle insignia into the side of my head. My goals are world domination and to holographically appear in different regions of the world simultaneously. I like KISS. I really do. Actually, I like a huge variety of music, the majority cool, but KISS will forever remain my guilty pleasure.

Q. WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?

I’m hiding beneath my bed with my laptop and offering advice to various providers on how they can better improve their services. I’m closely examining the concept of life after death. I’m sending as many positive ripples into the universe as I can.

Q. IS THE WORLD ABOUT TO END?

Probably, but there’s still time to save it if we glean what we can from science and quantum physics, plus use our minds in more constructive ways. Oh, and if we’re a lot nicer and less greedy. We’re all connected, you see.

Q. WHAT BOOKS DO YOU READ?

I love books that make me laugh, think and/or float. Standout funny authors for me include David Sedaris, Anne Lamott and Seb Hunter. I recently read the work of genius Mark Haddon – ‘The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time’. You should read it. It’s brilliant.

I love enthralling biographies and metaphysical literature. As a kid I loved ‘Tintin’ by Herge and stuff by Enid Blyton. God, there are so many great books out there! But read mine first, then tell me if you come across anything you think I might like.

Q. WHERE CAN I BUY YOUR BOOKS?

Being as specific as I can, my books are now available worldwide through Amazon/Kindle and SmashWords, which covers Apple, iTunes, Barnes & Noble, Sony, Kobo, Diesel, Google eBooks, WH Smith and Waterstones. Essentially SmashWords covers what Amazon doesn’t.

(Follow the links via my loud, orange ‘Buy Now’ buttons.)

So you will find my releases in all good online bookstores to meet your e-reading needs, and through Amazon if you prefer something more tangible made of words, paper and magic, plus bricks and mortar bookstores for ‘The Happiness Quest’ as mentioned before.

If you have any trouble finding anything, please let me know and we’ll break some heads together.

Q. IF I WRITE, WILL YOU ANSWER?

If my hands haven’t been amputated, absolutely. I cherish you even bothering with me. I’m also happy to double as an agony aunt.

Q. WILL YOU ONLY EVER WRITE NON-FICTION?

No. Stay tuned because there’s something magical in the pipeline.

Q. IN CLOSING?

Don’t forget the crumbed veal, available at the bistro.

Feel free to rate my books on Amazon, GoodReads, MobileRead, LibraryThing and what not. Also, if you like what you see after flicking through my pages, please tell everyone you know. Without you, I starve.

Any other burning questions, let me know and I’ll reply.

Thank you and goodnight.